How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
