Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i dont even know how to be here
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
