i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
