So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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