Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
