Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
