I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
