I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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