Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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