Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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