I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
