Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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