Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
