I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
