Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
