just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
