I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
