I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
