So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
