youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
