god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
