i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
