I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
