i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
