just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
