Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
