Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
