How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
