Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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