hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
