Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
