Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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