The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My vagina is very pro this idea
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
