my mouth tastes like poor choices
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
