cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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