Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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