I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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