a queef is a wish your heart makes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
