I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who died my cat blue again?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
