People in love make me want to vomit
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
