12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
