On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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