I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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