I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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