just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
