So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
