so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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