I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize