How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
