And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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