Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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