I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
