You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
