Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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