We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
