If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
