i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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