Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
