I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
