All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
