My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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