false alarm. still invincible.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
