Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This house was built for laser tag.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
