Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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