GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
birth control should be required to get into college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
