Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
