The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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