i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
