it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My ass is underappreciated
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
