barbara walters just said penis...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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