Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
