I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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