i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry about my life...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
