I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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