no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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