So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize