i already hear my dad disowning me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
