loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
