Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
