Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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