OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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