Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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