3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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