Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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