the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
