On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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