I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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