Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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